@writinginbed: I’m not necessarily worried about letting someone see me in shorts or...
I’m not necessarily worried about letting someone see me in shorts or undies, but there are some people in front of whom I will not wear shorts or a swim suit. One of these people is someone who is one of the most important people in my life and the reason I won’t ever change in front of her is…
Why You Shouldn't Tell That Random Girl On The Street That She's Hot
In a perfect world, none of this would happen. In a perfect world, you could tell a woman she’s hot and she would smile and say thank you because there would be no millenia-long history of women’s bodies being used and abused by men, no notion of women’s beauty as being “for” men, no ridiculous beauty standards. Complimenting a woman on her appearance would be just like complimenting a person on their bike or their shoes or the color of their hair; it would not carry all the baggage that it carries in this world.
But that’s not our world, and it may never be. Yeah, it sucks that women often take it “the wrong way” when you give them unsolicited compliments. You know what sucks more? Yup, patriarchy.
(Source: summerroberts)
18mr:
The Asian Pride Project, an intergenerational and multilingual resource for telling the stories of LGBT Asian & Pacific Islanders, recently launched their website. Many of the videos are really great—we loved this one of Elena and her grandmother.
They’re also having a launch party in New York this weekend. It’s free, and you can RSVP here!
Sloppy Seconds Sex Ed
A great article on how abstinence-only sex education can impact sexual self-worth.
The Victims http://wp.me/s2aDjJ-7894
(Source: theycallmegomer)
Ontario's New High School Gender Studies Class Will Probs Change The World
Ontario’s high schools will offer a gender studies class next semester.
Way to go, Ontario! I wish they’d offered something like this in my high school.
Repair Her Armor: Clothes I'm forced to wear in the majority of MMORPGS
[Please take note that the commentary is just for fun. Bunch of sarcasm. Don’t take it too seriously. I am getting tired of these outfits, though.]
1. The classic Bikini Armor. If you’re lucky you might get an actual shoulder-pad! If the designers even bother doing something more than…
Look How Quickly the U.S. Got Fat (1985-2010 Animated Map)
25 brief, delicious year.(From The Atlantic)I was born in ‘85. Interesting to see just how fast things have changed.
Okay, cool graphic. But can we stop the bullshit discussions about how this is because people are too lazy to take care of their bodies? Can we finally address the ACTUAL root causes of this, like poverty (causing people to have no money for fresh foods, and NO TIME to prepare it because working three jobs is necessary just to pay the rent), food deserts (no access to healthy food), and lack of education (no, not that people think a Big Mac is healthy, but that they literally do not know how to cook and store food, because that’s something parents often teach and they have to time to do so - see above)?
Can we talk about how processed food is considerably cheaper and INFINITELY more convenient for working people than fresh food? Can we talk about how most agricultural subsidies underwrite the cost of processed food? Can we talk about the way physical education is being cut from schools all over the countries, and many after-school sports are making the transition from free for all to pay-to-play? Can we talk about how free of charge safe places for children (and adults) to exercise are more and more scarce, especially in urban areas?
Can we talk about how BMI, the formula used to measure “obesity rates,” is patently unscientific and absurd? And for the love of all that is good in the world, can we finally talk about how you can be healthy and obese at the same time?
No, of course not. Because then we’d have to stop shaming people for their bodies - fuck off, Atlantic.
^^ I was waiting for good commentary on this before I reblogged. Thank you.
Commentary.
NYPD Profiling and Targeting LGBTQ People of Color
Here is a vignette from March 2013: A 24-year-old gay man named Yhatzine Lafontain is leaving a restaurant late at night with a friend on Roosevelt Avenue and 95th Street in Queens. Both are dressed as women, Mr. Lafontain in a jacket, short dress and heels. Exchanging goodbyes outside, they are approached by a man who tells them they look good.
In Mr. Lafontain’s account, they chatted briefly to avoid seeming rude and the man departed. Within a few minutes, an undercover police officer approached Mr. Lafontain and his friend and arrested them, suspecting them of prostitution. “We were surprised,” Mr. Lafontain told me, “because we had never talked to anyone about sex or money.”
I met Mr. Lafontain last week in Jackson Heights, not far from where his arrest had taken place, at the offices of Make the Road New York, a community-organizing group that works primarily with Latino immigrants. It has tried, along with various anti-violence projects in the city, to call attention to the perverse specifics of stop-and-frisk policing — a practice currently on trial in federal court in Lower Manhattan — as it applies to gay, lesbian and transgender New Yorkers who are Black and Latino. Last fall, the group issued a report on policing in Jackson Heights, a neighborhood with a vibrant gay and transgender community and attendant club scene (and also a prostitution problem), and found in its survey of more than 300 residents that while 28 percent of straight respondents reported having been stopped by the police, 54 percent of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender respondents reported this kind of treatment.
By the way, I changed the title of the article because I felt that the original title (“Arrests by The Fashion Police”) created by the people at the New York Times was mocking the severity of the issues being discussed in the article.
The Problem With Puppy Love (Teaching kids about consent at an earlier age)
Teaching kids that they are not entitled to anyone else’s affections may start sooner than you think.
This falls into the category of “it’s never too early…”
When one of my daughters was 8 a boy in her class developed a crush on her. He followed her around the playground, talked about his love for her (in those terms), drew her pictures, and wrote her songs. One day, she came home and ran into the house, tightly gripping a torn up note in her fist. It was a love note. She was not interested in love notes. It was upsetting and made her uncomfortable.
At school, she was embarrassed by the boy’s attention and by other children talking about them being in love and teasing her. She avoided him when possible and went out of her way to ignore his attempts to cajole her into liking him and being his girlfriend. In third grade.
I called the teacher and explained the situation, essentially saying, it’s gone too far—she is unable to freely and comfortably attend school and should not be subject to his overwhelming 8-year-old desire. I was heartened because the teacher was aware of the situation, did not think it was “cute” or “harmless” “puppy love” and said she would speak to the boy and his parents.
She did, but his attentions continued unabated. So, I called his parents and asked them to please make sure that he stop.
Their response took me aback:
“Could your daughter please write him a letter?”
No, I said. She does not want to write him a letter.
“But, can’t you get her to do it? He’s gone to the trouble of writing her, not once, but several times.”
No. I explained. She was not obligated to respond simply because he wanted and expected her to. She had an equal and apparently competing right to not communicate. She neither sought out nor consented to his advances.
But, he meant no harm and this would be a good lesson.
The lesson, I pointed out politely, was that when a girl avoids you, does not respond to your attentions, and makes no effort to engage in communication, she is not interested. That is the lesson.
But, it would be a nice thing to do—for him to get a response.
My daughter, I explained, while a kind person, was not obligated to be nice in order to make this boy feel better about himself.
But, he would be crushed.
In other words, “Because of this, he will be sad and hurt.” So really, “It’s her fault.”
Remember, these were 8-year-olds.
I said that, in my opinion, it was their job—not my daughter’s—to teach their son these lessons. He stopped.
Here is what concerned me so much about this exchange. One, their son was “nice.” Two, he “meant well” and had made such a huge investment in expressing his feelings. Three, she should do what he wanted because of these things. Four, that would make her “nice.” And five, his behavior and expectations weren’t just tolerated; they were encouraged (he was a “ladies man,”) and considered cute. This is not difficult to understand if you consider that the entire Disney princess canon alone constitutes a virtual how-to book of entertaining stalking and rapeyness set to catchy songs sung by small woodland animals, crustaceans, or large, predatory cats.
In 1988, Day One (formerly the Sexual Assault & Trauma Resource Center of Rhode Island and Rhode Island Rape Crisis Center) conducted a study of adolescent dating attitudes. The same study was again conducted in 1998. In 1988, 1,700 students in 6th through 9th grade participated. In 1999, 2,467 in the same age group.
The study asked the following question: “Does a girl/boy on a date have the right to kiss against the date’s consent if she/he spent a lot of money on the date? Yes, No, or I Don’t Know?” In 1988, 51% of boys and 41% of girls answered Yes. In 1998, those numbers were 53% of boys and 48% of girls.
They asked another, related question: “Does a man/woman on a date have the right to sexual intercourse against their date’s consent if he/she spent a lot of money on the date? Yes, No, or I Don’t Know?” In 1988, 24% of boys and 16% of girls said Yes. In 1998, 23% of boys and 20% of girls say Yes.
There were several other related questions, notably, this one: “Does a man on a date have the right to sexual intercourse without the woman’s consent if she is drunk?” In 1988, 28% of the students in 7th through 9th grade said yes. In 1998, 24% of the 9th graders did (no information on the other two grades). The researchers explained, “a significant number of our young people believe that, under certain conditions, it is acceptable to take advantage of a date,” that children were not being taught that incapacitation is not a legal defense, that intercourse without consent is rape, that victims weren’t responsible for what happened to them, that victims of sexual assault may be less likely to report their assaults if they feel they are “responsible” or “deserving” of their treatment. In 1998, a question was added: Have your parents ever talked to you about sexual abuse prevention? Half of the boys and 36% of the girls said no.
Why am I talking about studies conducted almost 20 years ago? Because these kids are how having children. More than half of teens surveyed today say they know someone who has been sexually abused or experienced dating violence. Fifty-three percent of them say they would not know how to intervene. Conservative estimates say that 1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men are stalking victims—essentially a crime where the stalker refuses to take “no” or “I’m not interested,” for an answer. Nearly 46% of stalking victims experience a minimum of one encounter of unwanted contact with their stalker per week.
Attitudes like the ones revealed in the studies, like the ones expressed by this boy’s parents, people I knew and liked, are a huge education problem. It requires teaching kids lessons far in advance of their being teenagers with interests in dating and sex.
Soraya L. Chemaly writes about gender, feminism and culture for several online media including Role/Reboot, The Huffington Post, Fem2.0, RHReality Check, BitchFlicks, and Alternet among others. She is particularly interested in how systems of bias and oppression are transmitted to children through entertainment, media and religious cultures. She holds a History degree from Georgetown University, where she founded that schools first feminist undergraduate journal, studied post-grad at Radcliffe College.
